Gentle Hints for Leaders

27th July 2011

I'm sorry, but there is no excuse for not learning how to lead. Telling your partner that they're 'not where they are supposed to be' is your problem, not theirs.
Similarly, 'I do my own thing' tells me instantly that you can't be bothered to go to class, probably can't lead and would rather wing it then take time to learn. I probably won't last a tanda with you so don't be surprised if the line falls on deaf ears and there isn't a queue to dance with you.
In life, women are terrific at second guessing and compensating - we do it all the time. But in tango, you should not ever assume we will do the same thing. If you do not lead, we will not follow - no matter how much you hiss at us.

Saying 'No, no, no' and, 'what are you doing exactly?' will not help either. Even the most patient women will probably just decide that you're a pain. Women are sharp that way, and we talk at milongas. We warn each other about bad leaders. The day you say, 'I'm sorry, I didn't lead that well' is the day you will start to morph into a great partner and earn shed-loads of respect from us.
Yes, we both love tango music, but I would rather you didn't sing to me while we're dancing unless I know you quite well. Ditto 'chatting'. The odd apology or dry remark is fine, but I am trying to focus on you and our connection first and foremost. Silence is godly in these circumstances.

I like a close embrace, but please remember I am not a jiffy bag and I still need room to move. I have a complete, three dimensional body and you must allow for it when you lead. Give me the space to do the movement. If you clutch me to your chest and expect to keep me there in a vice grip, my ochos will suck.
Please keep things simple until we have sussed out whether we have a connection or not. I don't really want to try out your interesting 'take' on a sequence when you haven't convinced me you can even do the basics. A great walk, a sensitive response and musicality will impress me so much more.
Flash moves and manoeuvres show a total lack of empathy or even interest in your partner, unless you are a couple and have dancing together for years - or you are just a dance-floor tango tart with a willing arm decoration. In a stranger it is just exasperating.

I don't mind chewing gum: it has a purpose, so long as you keep your mouth shut whilst chewing and don't try to blow bubbles. Eating other things while you're dancing is actually quite rude, particularly crisps or peanuts. Being sprayed by the latter when you are busy boring me how many times you've been to BA, does not add anything to my experience and, inevitably, will add nothing to yours.
Beautiful manners do make the man, and they are never, ever too old fashioned. Women like them.

~ TangoKat, 27th July 2011